I was really hoping to write this post with jubilation on the heels of the Fudge Packers being 0-1…but then the game was played and Sean Payton decided to run a rookie into a defensive line that was dominating the A-gaps all game…AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH…but I degress.
This post is about my beloved Chicago Bears and my (feeble) attempt at an impartial look at their season and how we they will fare this season. So it’s not impartial, but I tried to go for realistic optimism (as opposed to the normal dejected pessimism…that’s reserved for hitting on women.)
Let’s start with the biggest target on the team. Roy Williams and his hands of granite? No: Jay Cutler. When he was last on a football field in a meaningful game he was bundled up in a giant football jacket and sitting on the bench with an MCL sprain getting torn to pieces on Twitter so badly you would have thought Sigma Team Six found Bin Laden in his basement.
Listen, people. The man is tough. He took 52 sacks all year long behind a line that doubled as a pasta strainer on weekdays. He never complained once. He never begged offensive coordinator Mike “Dr. Kevorkian for QB’s” Martz to keep more men in to block. Cutler just took it like a man and kept trying to win the game for his team. He realized he couldn’t plant and release a consistent ball in the NFC Championship game and that it would be detrimental to the team if he were to stay in there.
Cutler cut his picks down to 16 last year to go along with his 23 touchdowns. The constant knock on him is the red zone picks and staying in a system for a second year will help him figure out where his secondary receivers will be in red zone plays so he won’t focus on one person and throw it there regardless of the coverage.
Cutler throws the prettiest three step drop 40 yard streak pattern in the NFL. He floats it right into the receiver’s hands every time. Having Devin “I’m fast!” Hester and Johnny “Me too!” Knox running past everyone always helps. Although I’m not a fan of trading Greg “I didn’t get any hookers at Miami!” Olsen for a third round pick, but he never really fit into Martz’s offense so…I guess I’m ok with it?
In free agency we brought in the aforementioned Williams from Dallas. He sucked there, but he thrived under Martz in Detroit. If Williams decides to catch the ball WITH is hands instead of batting them down he could be a 70 reception red zone option.
(Here’s another thing for Cutler: he’s single now. He dumped Kristin Cavallari after they got engaged. No more nagging ball-and-chain! That means more football and less flowers! Granted I don’t know if he can get anyone this hot again…but at least he’s seen her naked! Yeay Jay! You know what? You can do hotter! And less drama! WOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!…SLAP!!!!!!!!!!…thanks…I needed that…back to football)
As for the offensive line…uh-oh…BLAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!…Blah!…mmph…sorry everyone. Every time I mention the Bears offensive line I smack myself in the forehead and vomit. Anyway this year the off…that thing I mentioned…will hopefully be better. They drafted Gabe Carimi from Wisconsin, a big ol’ boy who knows how to run block with his 6’7” 314 lb. body, but pass blocking is a bit of an issue. However he looked good in the preseason in the pass game so I believe he can fill in at right tackle admirably.
The big issue on the line is the loss of (pouring out an Old Style) Olin Kreutz. The 12 year vet spent all his time with the Bears. He was the heart and soul of the offense, never hesitated to back his teammates and was a force at center. He will be missed. In his place we have our right guard Roberto Garza filling in. If the transition isn’t smooth…it’s gonna be a long season with lots of peeling Cutler off the turf. Offensive line coach Mike Tice is an expert at the position so it’s all in his incredibly tall and huge hands.
On to the defense. The D-line is anchored by Julius “Tease me about my ears one more time I’m kicking your ass” Peppers. He was the big free agent signing last year (6 years/$91 million) and it was scoffed at my the media for being too much for a 30 year-old lineman. I loved it when it happened and when I heard he bought 25 bottles of $350 champagne for people at a bar…I fell in love. He’s still a force to be reckon with and even though he only got 8.5 sacks last year…his presence was felt all over the field.
A huge issue last year was the defensive tackle position. Not since Keith Traylor and Ted Washington’s 800 lb. Doughy Duo graced the middle had the Bears gotten consistent play. Tommie Harris played too inconsistent and injured, Tank Johnson loved guns too much and anyone else they filled in never worked. Enter Stephen Paea and Henry Melton.
Paea was the second round pick out of Oregon State and at The Combine he set the all-time record for bench pressing 225 lb. with 49 reps. 49! I’m 218 lbs. and can barely push myself out of bed once…let alone 49 times. As for Melton he has been the talk of the preseason with his play. With those two in the middle there’s hope that they can take up space and allow Brian “I LOVE YOU!!!” Urlacher to make plays.
Urlacher and Lance Briggs. Still great. Moving on.
The big addition on defense happened when they signed Brandon Meriweather from the New England Assh***s, I mean F***ers, I mean S**triots…there it is. He is a two-time Pro Bowler who makes plays in the secondary. He can guard against the deep ball, which is something other safeties haven’t figured out. Meriweather will start soon and will make the impact the defensive backfield needs.
A huge negative that happened to the Bears was the new kickoff rule starting kickoffs at the 35-yard line instead of the 30. This means more touchbacks, more starting at the 20-yard line and less electric returns for the 2nd best kickoff team in the NFL last year (31.5-yard line). Roger “Awed hush in the crowd, please” Goodell needs to abandon this rule, now. It cuts down on an amazing play for fans. I know it was done for safety reasons…but come on! Change it back! I don’t like it!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Throwing my dirty diapers at Goodell while sucking my thumb.)
Looking at the schedule I see two guaranteed wins at home against Carolina in Week 4 and either Minnesota in Week 6 or Detroit in Week 10. Here’s the big part of the schedule: Weeks 12-17. Here are the games:
- Week 12: at Oakland
- Week 13: vs. Kansas City
- Week 14: at Denver
- Week 15: vs. Seattle
- Week 16: at Green Bay (they’ll have the division clinched by now and hopefully home field advantage meaning they’ll rest players)
- Week 17: at Minnesota (they’re out of the playoffs, McNabb and Peterson sit and they allow rookies to get some playing time before next year)
There’s a real chance to end the season at least 5-1. Add in the two wins early in the year and Chicago just needs to win three of the other eight to make themselves 10-6 and almost assured a wild card spot. Winnable games include vs. Atlanta (Week 1), at Detroit (Week 5) and at Tampa Bay (Week 7). I know the media says Chicago got lucky with their 11-5 record last year, but there’s a chance magic repeats itself this year.
I can see the Bears going 11-5 or 5-11. I can see Cutler throwing 30 TD’s/10 INT’s or 10 TD’s/30 INT’s. I can see the defense being in the top five and dominant or in the bottom five and aging. I can see Mike Martz working his offensive mojo beautifully or choking the wide receivers coach because the guy looked at Martz funny. In other words…it’s tough to gauge this team.
Anyway, here’s to Da Bears!
